How did this happen????

How did this happen?

People that know me also know that I am a really committed mother to my five year old son Leo. He will no doubt feature in this blog as his amusing observations on the world often lighten my day and sometimes really make me think. There is an aspect of running a social enterprise that supports disadvantaged people that never ceases to shock and horrify me and that is the lack of self belief and self confidence felt by people of all ages in our society today. There have been days when the stories of the people we support have made me close my office door and cry – I thought my life had been messed up until I talked to them! How did we come to this point when a bright and intelligent young person can stand before us and say in all sincerity that they are “Completely useless”? When did it happen that it was ok for someone with a learning disability to tell me at age 45 that no one had ever asked them what they want to do with their life? How does an employer sleep at night when they interview a person who has work experience and references coming out of their ears working as a kitchen assistant, and then turns them down for a  pot wash job as they “don’t have enough experience”? We know it was really because they had a criminal record.

I have seen parents stand in our reception area while their child sits in a corner looking dejected and lost, then hear the parent say to our support staff “I don’t know if you can do anything with her, she’s not good at anything”. WHY?

When I made the completely selfish decision to have a child I undertook to love my child unconditionally, to provide for him, to do whatever it took to keep him safe, teach him right from wrong and bring him up as a respectful and engaging citizen. This might sound like pie in the sky but I don’t know why it should. It isn’t about class, or wealth or opportunities – it’s about love and care and the basics of human need.

A few months ago Leo was obsessed with Buzz Lightyear – he came home from school one day and said “Buzz Lightyear says – Two Amphetamines and Beyond!!” At first I was falling about laughing at how amusing my son is but then it struck me – where on earth did he hear a word like amphetamines?? He doesn’t know where, he was four at the time. Would I have known that word when I was four? I don’t think so. It seems funny until you think it through. 

Don’t we have a duty of care to our children to allow them to be children for as long as possible? We also have a duty to encourage, love and support our children to be all they can be, regardless of ability, label or box! I hope you agree that we do too.

We all having amazing abilities – we just don’t all know what those are – but we also don’t need to be defined by our limiting factors. If I was working in any private sector firm like a supermarket or a coffee shop, no-one would tell me about the history, “condition”, “diagnosis" or general past of anyone else working there. Why should it be different when you have a disability or disadvantage? People are all people, they all want things for their present and their future, but if we don’t give them the encouragement or the opportunity they deserve they will never achieve anything. If we tell people “You have a mental illness and will never recover from it” then what hope are we giving that person? If we decide that people with disabilities and facing disadvantage need to be corralled into one place to “work” in a sheltered environment, we will never help people to find independence and self advocacy.